On the surface, Los Angeles seems like a beautiful place where nothing bad happens. It isn’t all joy and sunshine, though. In fact, L.A. has an infamous side that a lot of people never see.
If you’re the kind of person who gets a thrill from scary places and pays attention to the paranormal research of people like Greg Newkirk, then you’ll want to know about these four creepy places to have sex.
The Cobb Estate
According to Atlas Obscura, the Cobb Estate in Altadena is either haunted by ghosts or the Marx Brothers. The 107-acre estate was originally owned by Charles Cobb, who got rich selling lumber. The hauntings, however, didn’t start until the 1950s, shortly after the Marx Brothers purchased the land.
Today, the Cobb Estate is a popular destination for hikers. As the sun sets, though, visitors head for the exit to avoid the eerie sounds and lights that continue to haunt the estate.
If you’re looking for an outdoor place to have sex, go the Cobb Estate at night. Since there’s a chance that ghosts (or comedians) may attack, you should prepare by getting in better shape. Ideally, you should schedule a laser fat removal session at BSG so you won’t have any extra weight slowing you down as you run for safety.
The Cecil Hotel
Today, the Cecil Hotel has been rebranded as Stay on Main. The new owners can make all the changes they want, but they won’t erase the Cecil’s past.
Numerous people have committed suicide at the Cecil. In face, so many people killed themselves at the Cecil that residents started calling the hotel “the Suicide.” (Wikipedia has a list of more than a dozen suicides at the hotel.)
If a bunch of suicides doesn’t qualify as creepy enough for you, consider that serial killers Richard Ramirez and Jack Unterweger stayed at the Cecil. Unterweger murdered at least three prostitutes in Ramirez’s honor while living at the hotel.
Book a room at Stay on Main if you want to get busy in one of L.A.’s most twisted hotels. If the experience scares you so badly that your hair starts to fall out, you can always try these drug-free ways to stop losing hair.
Inglewood Park Cemetery
Inglewood Park Cemetery is the final resting place of many famous people, including musician Chet Baker, Ray Charles and Ella Fitzgerald. People come from all over the world to visit their graves. Many of the visitors don’t know that the cemetery has a well-documented history of strange occurrences.
Frequent visitors, however, accept that the cemetery has some lingering spirits. On at least one occasion, groundsmen approached a woman who seemed lost. As they neared her, she vanished right in front of their eyes.
If you don’t find that frightening, imagine how grieving visitors will respond when they see you fornicating under a tree close to their loved ones. You may just find yourself fighting off both ghosts and living people.
Before you go on your date, you might want to schedule a signature haircut and get some advice about which blade to bring to the cemetery for protection. Leave the gun at home. It will only attract more zombies.
Your Parent’s Bed
You realize that you’re about to hook up with a woman, but you know that your place is a wreck. You can’t take her there. Then, you remember that your parents are out of town. Their bed may seem like a great option while you’re paying the bar tab. But things can change quickly as you look down at a naked women laying exactly where your mother sleeps.
This option doesn’t require any ghosts or creepy clothing designed by Poison Apple Printshop. It only requires some common decency and the realization that your parents do it in this bed regularly. Yes, the bed is covered in your parent’s sex sweat and other… secretions. Is there anything scarier than that?